His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize