my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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