Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
