Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
