happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
