The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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