In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
