the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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