I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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