im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
