I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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