There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
