how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
