Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
