Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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