Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
