I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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