i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
