So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
