I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
