i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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