you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize