dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
