get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize