If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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