It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
