haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
