I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
someone owes me an orgasm
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
