Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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