Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
