Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
