Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So many bounce houses so little time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize