When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
