my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You can't motorboat a personality
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Boobs speak an international language.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
