Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
