I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
