Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
