if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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