Pants 0. Shit 1.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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