believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize