Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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