Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
