See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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