worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize