Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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