Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
