ugly people sure do ruin things
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
