remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
