I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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