some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
