I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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