Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
