the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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