Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
