Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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