Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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