Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
