I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
