and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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