yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
