first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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